'Twas the Case-And-A-Half before Christmas
Adapted from a classic by Major Henry Livingston, Jr. (1748-1828)
'twas the night before Christmas, and all through the store
Not a ‘marker was firing, no sand on the floor;
The Spyders were hung on the wall with great care,
In hopes that Dale would let staff out early this year;
The bunkers were folded and tight in the shed,
While visions of Keely danced in Scotty’s head;
And Joel in his sweater, and Steve in his shirt,
Once more gassed the Shocker and walked the trigger.
When out on the field there arose such a rabble,
We sprang from the staging area and finished our babble.
Upstairs to the viewing area we sped like an Angel,
Hopped up to the bleachers and thought, “what the hell”?
The lights on the marks of some fresh-shot-out Zap
Gave lustre and glitter to a Timmy that went “BRAAAPP!!!”,
And what to my paint-covered goggles should show,
But a flag, ten players, and a ref yelling “GO GO GO!!!”
With a whistle, a sprint, and a dive to the snake,
… and a crawl to the ’50 that no one could make.
More rapid than eagles one Matrix did quaff,
A hopper of paint that no one could wipe off.
GET OUT! ON HIS HOPPER! CHECK HIS FOOT! ON HIS LEG!
The players did yell while they reloaded their ‘Eggs;
A run up the tape and the ‘30 was hit,
The flag was then pulled and dropped into the grit.
A minute to go, four-on-two’s what we saw;
The back guys crossed up, and settled for the draw.
But up to their standup the front player did crawl,
And with his Impulse those back guys he did maul.
And quick, in an inkling, the flag was then brought;
While hoping no one’s gun would chronograph hot.
As I drew in a breath, and gasped a loud “WOW”,
Down the stairs I went, while wondering how;
They came off of the field, covered from head to foot;
With rub, shell and sand that seemed strangely like soot.
Congratulating both teams, we patted their backs;
Then we sat down while they took of their packs.
Our eyes, how they twinkled, our smiles so merry!
Our welts glowed like roses, a few like a cherry!
One’s sand-covered mouth was drawn up like a bow,
The tip of his mask sprayed with paint white as snow.
The ends of our barrels we slid into their sheaths,
Laid them onto the table and looked at the wreath;
Past pods and some paint that looked so much like jelly,
Over strewn-about gear that was quite a bit smelly.
It was just about time when the clock on the shelf,
Chimed midnight out loud with the bells of an elf;
A wink of an eye and a twist of a head,
To a special DYE jersey in holiday green and red;
We spoke a few words as we went to our cars,
Traded wishes, handshakes, and Toblerone bars;
And laying my gear in the back of my truck,
A stray paintball I noticed and just barely ducked;
The cars headed out, drivers home to family,
I looked at my Timmy and it glittered at me;
I thought to myself as the store glittered bright,
I LOVE PLAYING ‘BALL, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOOD-NIGHT!!!
